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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]On A Frozen Beach by Feral Children
Seattle art rockers are putting out a new album next week called Brand New Blood. So here’s an hors d’oeuvre from it, full of shivering guitars and rattling percussion.
Never having been to Seattle I imagine it’s full of Nirvana memorabilia, the Space Needle and fish markets. Which makes it sound a lot like Liverpool. Except in The Pool it’s not Nirvana, it’s the Beatles. It’s the Space Needle, it’s Radio City. And it’s not fish markets, but St John’s market (involuntary shudder).
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On the sixth day, God created Man[chester]
Well hello there! I’m temporarily living in Manchester, and if I haven’t seen any Mancunian music celebrities by the end of the weekend I will be very disappointed. Mark E Smith, Ian Brown, Marc Riley, Clint Boon, that fella out of the Ting Tings… Shayne Ward even. He’d do.
I’m staying with my dear friend Fran in a half refurbished Victorian mansion. It’s not really a mansion, but it’s very big. Feast your eyes, why don’t you:
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New word of the day: Zwitter
I hadn’t noticed that Google is culturally specific before. Unless Americans have started using the words willy and knob. Let’s look at the French version:
A mec is a guy, and moche means ugly. What about Germany?
Ein Zwitter is slang for a hermaphrodite, obviously. Also… the numbers are formatted differently. Clever.
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I’m a rapper. I don’t do Take Shit.
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![Music makes people do all sorts of things, such as dance, cry, fornicate, render Robert Smith of The Cure in Hama beads… [via Craftster]](http://2.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ktrtbv99Qu1qa7px4o1_400.jpg)
Music makes people do all sorts of things, such as dance, cry, fornicate, render Robert Smith of The Cure in Hama beads… [via Craftster]
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Songs I couldn't live without, part two
Another installation of my utterly tedious and thoroughly contemptible countdown. There’s a few notable omissions from my top 100. No Radiohead, for example. I like Radiohead very much, but if someone said to me “that’s it. You’ve had your Radiohead quota. No Radiohead for you!” I’d be OK. I’d still have the memories.
89. Ben by Michael Jackson
Mawkish, weepy ode to a telepathic rat. Not Michael Jackson’s best, but I had it on a cassette tape when I was about five years old. As a primary school child, it really spoke to me. In an alternate reality, this was recorded by Donny Osmond. Somehow, I doubt I would have liked it as much.
88. A Swingin’ Safari by Bert Kaempfert and his Orchestra
My dad, bless him, loves music. Mainly anything composed up until about 1900. His scant section of 20th century records includes this one, which plonks onto the turntable after a few glasses of red wine over a Sunday roast. As a child, I thought it was all gleeful fun. But as I got older I learnt the connotations of the world swinging, and it’s never been quite the same. Being a cynical, snide adult can be disappointing sometimes.
87. Trash by Suede
Gloriously self-conscious Britpop posturing.
86. Come Into My World by Kylie Minogue
Bonus points for Michel Gondry’s video.
85. Silver Screen (Shower Scene) by Felix Da Housecat featuring Miss Kittin
I just love a massive, electroclash club groove. This was something I found through Epitonic, before Epitonic became a forgotten piece of cyberspace. “Sweet seduction in a magazine, endless pleasure in a limousine…”
84. Break On Through (To The Other Side) by the Doors
One summer, I worked in a Sheffield off licence. After shutting up shop I’d head off into the night with various acquaintances who worked in bars and assorted social deviants for a “quick drink”. It also seemed the only bar open was The Casbah, a below average, vomit-flecked rock bar. As the 2am closing time approached, they’d stick this one on to hustle everyone out to scuffle on the pavement, eat chips or search for a taxi. That was a good summer.
83. Hot Topic by Le Tigre
Embarrassing confession: for ages I thought this was by Sleater-Kinney. I know, I know. Can we still be friends?
82. The Model by Kraftwerk
Oh, those German music technology innovators. on a German holiday once, I had a beer-fuelled night out in Krefeld, the birthplace of Ralf Hutter. While there, I met a man who claimed to have been in Nikki Sudden’s live band. I hope he was telling the truth.
81. Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes
That riff! My goodness!
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Lady Sovereign
According to gossip-peddlers Holy Moly!, Lady Sovereign will be packing a suitcase and entering the Celebrity Big Brother house in January. My first thought was “they’re still making Celebrity Big Brother?” My second thought was “Lady Sovereign? Hasn’t she already been in Celebrity Big Brother?” Which previous contestant am I confusing her with - odious racing pundit John McCririck? Sunday Mirror columnist Carole Malone? Towers of London frontman and all-round moron Donny Tourette? No idea. I’m just picking names at random.
Here are my predictions for what will be shown of Lady Sov in the house:
- Lots of loud belching, then proud post-belch analysis (e.g “ooh, I could taste yesterday’s lunch in that one.”)
- Hours of Lady Sov huddling in a Stussy hoodie, chain smoking.
- A tipsy Lady Sov cajoled into dressing up like a “girlie girl” by other contestants.
- Lady Sov has a heart-to-heart with another contestant (e.g Eddie the Eagle, Grotbags or the Blue Peter dog), opening up about her career, um, setbacks.
- Err….
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Songs I couldn't do without [part one]
I was trying to compile my favourite songs of 2009, but got distracted. And 2009 isn’t over, guys! There’s more songs to come, honest. But starting below are the 100 songs I absolutely, completely love. Some of them you may consider to be shit. Let’s just get on with it.
100. A Whiter Shade of Pale by Procol Harum
Everybody says they like this one, don’t they? For me, it’s mainly the swooning organ line.
99. SexyBack by Justin Timberlake
That audacious bastard JT proclaims himself master of all things sexually arousing over a stuttering, backwards synth hook, while his gurning mate instructs him to ‘take it to the chorus’. Who do this pair think they are? Still as startling as when I first heard it. But how does one dance to it, hmmm? Cautiously. Don’t follow Timbaland’s advice to ‘get your sexy on’, otherwise you’ll end up looking like a housewife unleashed on a hen night in Blackpool.
98. No Limit by 2 Unlimited
Relentless 90s Eurodance. As a young’un, I jumped around the living room to this one so much that I gave myself a nose bleed.
97. White and Nerdy by Weird Al Yankovic
Music needs parodies, especially those as spot on with cultural references as Weird Al.
96. Hey Jude by the Beatles
Oh, you know why. It’s the Beatles.
95. Playgirl by Ladytron
I used to listen to Steve Lamacq’s Evening Session on Radio 1, hoping he would play this too-cool-for-school track. For ages, it made me want a Korg synth. Actually, I still do. Also, before I moved to Liverpool, I hoped it would be like a Ladytron video. It’s not. But I don’t live there anymore.
94. 1 Thing by Amerie
Sassy, overdubbed R&B perfection.
93. Knowing Me, Knowing You by ABBA
Restrained and wistful break-up song from Swedish pop superstars. If you say you don’t like ABBA, you’re lying.
92. Empire State Human by The Human League
What are you going on about, Phil[ip] Oakey? You want to be as big as a wall? Ridiculous. And I love it.
91. Mickey by Toni Basil
Repetitive and irritating chant seemingly aimed at under-5s. But still irresistable.
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Reconstructed Sugababes
Rumours of an original Sugababes reunion continue. It might happen, it might not, who knows. But I’m sure the money’s tempting.
I’d like to see this happen, but there’s a few problems. Such as the animosity between Siobhan and Keisha. How to get around this? We’ve had girl group after girl group claiming to be BFFs. I think the world is ready for one that is open about the frosty, inter-band relations. Imagine Fearne Cotton breathlessly asking “so, are you all best friends? Do you have girlie get togethers? I bet you do!” Then:
SIOBHAN: We’re colleagues, not friends. I bought a VW Camper van and employ a cousin as a driver, so I won’t have to sit on a tour bus with them.
KEISHA: They can only see my limited profile on Facebook, so they can’t write on my wall.
MUTYA: I have two mobile phones. One is for business, and one is for family and friends. They only have the business number.
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Top 5 must-try-harder Kate Bush cover versions
Kate Bush writes leftfield, beautiful and, at time, peculiar pop songs. Only the very brave, the very foolish or a combination of those two attempt to cover her songs. The Futureheads’ version of Hounds of Love and Placebo’s version of Running Up That Hill are both sublimely good, in their own different ways. But what about the not so good? I’ve delved through the slush pile to find out…
5) Wuthering Heights by White Flag (1992? Not sure. It’s on a covers album which also includes Sonic Youth’s take on Ca Plane Pour Moi)
“Hey dudes, you know what would totally rock? A cover of Wuthering Heights. We can punk it up with power chords, and shout the lyrics a bit. Stick in a guitar solo. It’ll, like, totally blow everyone’s mind. So what if it makes four minutes feel like ten minutes? Cali-punks rule! Freakin’ A! Pass the bong, would you?”
4) Wuthering Heights by Angra (1993)
Tettering on the edge between so-bad-it’s-good and so-bad-it-needs-to-be-locked-in-a-vault, this Brazilian progressive metal version features tortured falsetto theatrics and more guitar licks than Queen. With the piano pummeling away throughout, it’s certainly powerful. But it’s making me scared.
3) Babooskha by Debra Stephenson (2005)
Who knew? Debra Stephenson released an album. You know, the actress Debra Stephenson. From Bad Girls. And Coronation Street. She probably pops up on Loose Women. I would have put this higher, but I don’t think even Debra remembers recording this. She trills her way through it, accompanied by a phoned-in production job that sounds like one of those IN THE STYLE OF… karaoke bobbins that litter Spotify. A faded photocopy of the original, proving that recurring primetime telly role and stage school singing lessons isn’t enough to record an album. And then to release it.
2) Wuthering Heights by Hayley Westenra (2004)
New Zealander soprano Hayley gets the job done with all technical precision, but this is as bland, manicured and glossy as her tumbling tresses. I’ve never had time for classical/populist crossover music, mainly because it tries to be both but ends up a mess of satin ballgowns, tuxedos and mawkish cover versions. Also, Hayley has such a thin, child-like voice. That perceived innocence is presumably part of her appeal, but I don’t like it. OK? I just don’t like it.
1) Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God) by Kiki Dee and Carmelo Luggeri (2008)
Kiki Dee is no longer the kooky, blue-eyed soul poppet who dueted with Elton John. She’s now making records that contemplate her Christian faith and collaborating with guitarist Carmelo Luggeri. This version redefines bland. Some bus stations pipe classical music out to prevent public transport rage and teenage loitering. They should be playing this soporific pap instead. If you’re feeling angry, that tabla beat is going is transform you into an apathetic drone.
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It’s a totally different kind of music industry - with everything becoming more westernised they need to sort everything they do. This is the start of something. They’re looking to offer ventures to bring money in. Culturally it’s middle eastern but the infrastructure seems completely western.
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Who's going to win The X Factor?
This question needs to be answered right now for reasons of posterity, and when the votes are counted you can laugh at me for being wrong. So, who will be the champion? Simon Cowell is the obvious answer. But as for the contestants…
- Lloyd Daniels? No. There’s not enough hormonal teenage girls to get him in. Just looking at his sad puppy face makes my eyes squeeze out a small tear. (Not really, but what does he have to look forward to post-X Factor? Maybe Eoghan Quigg can tell him?)
- Jedward? No. In the final, probably. All over the internet, definitely.
- Joe McElderry? No. He’s sweet and has good teeth. There’s a West End career awaiting him, I’m sure.
- Stacey Solomon? Maybe. People seem to like her. She can sing. She’s pretty.
- Danyl Johnson? No. Too much smugface.
- Olly Murs? I think it could be. People seem to like him and his leg-flailing. Also, he looks a lot like Gordon Smart.
So… Stacey or Olly. Who’s it going to be? Err… Olly. Why not.
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The Field live
Last night, I went to see The Field playing live. I forgot my camera, so the picture above is of the dress I wore. “Purple and green should never be seen, except when worn by a gypsy queen,” as my grandmother used to say.
Finding the Luminaire took me longer than I needed, even though I’d dilligently marked the venue in my A-Z. Wandering around Kilburn, I asked a young man for directions. He didn’t know. I walked onwards for a while, turned around and asked someone “excuse me, do you know where…?” Damn. It was the same young man. He was wearing a hat and eating chips this time, so I hadn’t recognised him.
Found the venue. Found a beer. Watched the gig. And it was good. I very much like The Field’s minimal techno, and Over The Ice features the best use of a Kate Bush (micro) sample since U-u-utah Saints. Everybody from here to Pitchfork will tell you to go and see The Field live, on record it’s all samples and programming, but live he has an amazing drummer and it really adds an extra dimension, blah blah blah… but it’s true. The drummer really is amazing.
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